Soft, medium or firm pillow? How to choose by the way you sleep

Choose pillow firmness by sleep position. Side sleepers usually need a fuller, firmer pillow, back sleepers a medium one, and stomach sleepers a soft, low one. The aim is the same for everyone: a pillow that fills the space between your head and the mattress, so your head is not pushed up or left hanging.

Quick guide by sleep position

Three things that change the answer

• Your shoulders. Broad shoulders mean a bigger gap when you lie on your side, so a fuller pillow.
• Your mattress. On a soft mattress your shoulder sinks in, which shrinks the gap. Go one step softer than you would on a firm mattress.
• Personal preference. Some people simply like to sink in. Firmness charts are a starting point, not a rule.

Soft vs firm: what the words mean

Firmness is how much the pillow resists your head. Loft is how tall it stands before you lie on it. They are linked but not the same: a tall pillow with soft fill can compress to almost nothing, while a lower pillow with dense fill holds its height. When a brand gives both, use both.

How to test a pillow at home

1. Lie in your usual position for five minutes.
2. Ask someone to look at you from behind or the side. Your nose should line up with the centre of your body, not tilt up or down.
3. Notice if you reach for your arm or a second pillow to prop your head. That means the pillow is too low or too soft.

The hotel approach

Many good hotels let you pick your pillow, soft or firm, from a pillow menu: 13 of the 42 hotels in our hotel pillow review publish one. Firm usually means more fill, not a different fill: ibis sells its pillow at 800 g soft and 1,000 g firm. Side sleepers usually pick firm, back and stomach sleepers soft. If you share a bed with someone who sleeps differently, the simplest fix is to stop sharing a firmness: each side gets its own, and one or two pillows each is a personal choice.